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KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI            JANUARY, 1911

 

A WORD REGARDING JUDGE WALLACE.

     Lest the gentle reader should not readily call Judge Wm. H. Wallace to mind, please remember he is the valiant and alert ex-Judge of the Criminal Court of Jackson County, Missouri, who procured the indictment of 41,144 Kansas City grocers, cigar dealers, bakers, barbers, actors, theatrical managers, etcetera, some years ago, and perhaps 44,144 convictions.  His good work in this direction came only to a stop when the available supply of sinners threatened to give out, though 'twas whispered that the reason he didn't put the U. S. postal clerks in jail was that he was quite satisfied with the reputed length and weight of Teddy's big stick.  As for those non-sinners -- the preachers -- it appeared that they hurriedly appointed a committee consisting of Gypsy Smith and Billy Sunday, who personally make representation, and being backed by a wireless from Sam Jones, certifying that the business of saving souls should not be classed with work -- being too easy -- the trained legal mind of the judge readily grasped the point.

     Judge Wallace, having so satisfactorily settled the Sunday question, was consistently engaged to solve the drink problem, with the result now known.

GET AN ONION.
The time is drawing near
When we must say good-bye,
And hunt ourselves a new job,
For Missouri's going dry.

(Judge Wallace says in 1912.)

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